i ate a whole dog

Political Correctness

// JRad // May 30th, 2011 // No Comments » // Angry Rants, Jrad's Blog

It’s no secret that we here at IAAWD can not stand political correctness.

In the news the other day, I read an article about a new website which offers flight price comparisons (like that of Webjet). Its server crashed on the first day, and while it was down, their website displayed a cartoon of a crashed plane and a comment about their site crashing. Funny, or at least amusing and light-hearted. But, as is the way in today’s world, a few whinging, whining losers with nothing else going on in their pathetic lives decided the picture was insensitive and offended them, and complained. Oh how I wish I had been the PR manager of the flight comparison company and able to respond. Unfortunately, the spokesperson profusely apologised and took the cartoon picture down. Here is the article.

Now what really irks me more than the fact that people complained about this website picture, is the fact that the company validated their overreactive and pathetic complaints by issuing an apology and removing it. That is truly pathetic. Why do companies / government continually let the vocal minority of complaining douches encroach on the rights of the majority of normal people who don’t feel the need to censor every bloody thing out there? Before I lost all faith in humanity, I was happy to at least read in the comments section on the above news article that many other people also wish the PC complainers would simply harden the fuck up.

To end this article, I am going to provide a few definitions of “Political Correctness” taken from various sources:

- A method of controlling and dictating public speech and thought.

- A doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.

- A form of censorship practiced by faggots and leftist subversive fucks so they don’t have to hear any points of view that they don’t agree with.

and lastly, this point:

The struggle to be “politically correct” has made common people easily irritable and oversensitive to the words of others and their own words. It has created a society that walks on eggshells and that has difficulty being personal with each other because coworkers and potential friends can’t joke around for fear of offending the other.

A quick note (rant) about customer service

// JRad // May 29th, 2011 // No Comments » // Angry Rants, Jrad's Blog

Have you ever been standing at a take-away place looking up at the menu and the person behind the counter starts shouting out to you “Can I help you?” or “What can I get you?”. This is a pet hate of mine. Is it not blatantly obvious that if I’m staring intently up at the menu then I am not ready to order? When people start calling out to me before I even get the chance to read the menu and ponder what food to order, I usually will just ignore them. And to pre-emptively stop it, I even stand far back from the counter. Once though, it just got too much as this counter girl simply wouldn’t get the hint from my lack of acknowledgment that I wasn’t ready to order, so I looked down at her and said in a not so polite way, “just wait”. And although I usually don’t like to be outright rude to people, I felt she certainly deserved it and I hope that she perhaps learnt to read customers a little better. Now if only everyone else out there could do the same. Or maybe I could have some more tolerance… mmm no, they can learn.

Cats = happy face

// JRad // May 25th, 2011 // No Comments » // Sweet Vids

Travel Fails

// JRad // May 22nd, 2011 // No Comments » // Angry Rants, Jrad's Blog

After just returning from a trip to Thailand, I feel the need to express my undeniable opinion on people who, in my eyes, fail at travelling. Now I will admit, some of aforementioned opinion is formed through the slightly ‘warped’ and judgmental screen of which I observe the world, but please be assured, the truth of which I speak transcends that of the mere mortal and I implore you to read and learn.

Here are some of the travel fails I bore witness to on the trip:

Being a drunk Aussie: My most hated traveller. The idiots who give other Australians a bad name. They usually get drunk on the flight over, annoying everyone with in a 10 seat radius. They are always loud, drunk and making a scene. They are usually very ocker. When on the odd occassion they are not drunk, they are still just as loud and annoying. Fail (at travelling AND at life).

Travelling with kids (to places that aren’t that family friendly): Families and/or kids walking down Bangla St (by night a club, go-go bar, lady-boy and hooker plagued party street) at Patong Beach. Fail.

Westerners eating western food: Wow. Half the reason I love Thailand so much is purely for its food. Besides my morning fruit-filled pancakes, I did not eat one Western meal in Thailand nor did I ever feel the desire to. The local food is so delicious and cheap, yet I saw so many unoriginal, pale-faced gits ordering things like steak and chips, bowls of pasta, and burgers. And on one occasion I heard one young British chap piping up about how tough his steak was. You’re in Thailand douchefag. Fail.

Going to Aussie bars: This applies I guess mostly to Aussie travellers. Wyabar, my trusty travelling companion and I flatly refused to enter any such establishment whilst in Thailand. There were at least three Aussie bars in Patong which we walked past. They all advertised NRL (I will discuss my hate of the NRL in another rant at another time) and AFL games, among other Aussie things. There were heaps of Aussies that I could see in these bars. Fail.

Being a sex tourist: Pretty self explanatory – old fat European men, young nerds, and other desperate guys who can’t pull in Thailand or their own country, walking around with one to two Thai girls in hand. Fail.

Being ignorant of the culture: Examples include not learning a few basics of the language such as hello and thank you; being rude; being disrespectful; and not trying new things. Fail.

Being a Scooter: You may have read the earlier IAAWD post about how to become a douchebag. Well the ‘Scooter’, as wisely named by Wyabar, is a sub genre of the Common Western Douchebag (CWD). While the Scooter shares many attributes of the CWD, the defining feature of every Scooter is the oversized baseball cap, worn on an angle. Many Scooters will also wear a singlet. Every time we saw a Scooter out at a bar (and believe me, there were many) we would scream out SCOOTER! A Scooter will always act like a dickhead or a homosexual with his Scooter friends. The mere sight of a Scooter is enough to make any self-respecting person shake his or her head in shame. Here is a picture of a couple of Scooters I snapped on my last night out in Patong:

Fail

Australia Misses Out On Amazing Superfood

// Jimmy // May 20th, 2011 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Bagels. Bagels are probably the best breakfast food ever. Twice as filling as toast, not shitty and dry, and you get to feel rad when you cut them with a bagel slicer.

Somehow, Australia seemed to miss out on having this superfood readily available in almost every shop you walk into. I hate to say it, but US/Canada definitely have us beat on this one. It appears that Maccas have recently realised how silly we are, and have introduced bagels to their breakfast menu. I can only hope that just maybe, some big time bread manufacturers happen to spend a hungover morning munging into the cullinary delight that is a McDonalds bacon and egg bagel. Sitting next to them will be the CEO of Woolies and Coles. They will collectively decide that they should make packets of bagels readily available in supermarkets.

And I will be happy.

My take on Planking

// JRad // May 18th, 2011 // No Comments » // Angry Rants

Greatest fail text I’ve ever received from a girl

// JRad // April 20th, 2011 // 1 Comment » // Angry Rants, Jrad's Blog

Listen up all you single gen Y girls out there.

Last Thursday I went on a date with a seemingly nice girl. It was a first date, in which I will always opt for something casual, so we headed to a relaxed bar on the harbour after work. We shouted each other alternate rounds of drinks, and I also got us a couple of pizzas. I came away thinking she was a pretty cool chick so I subsequently sent her a text on Saturday, telling her I had a good time and hoped we could do it again sometime. To my astonishment, this was her response:

Hey there, just for the next time u ask a girl out, regardless of the expense it would make her feel really special if you paid. Hope you have a good weekend!

After the initial reaction of almost falling off my chair, a flurry of possible responses ran through my head:

- I’m sorry, I didn’t realise our date was in 1955.
- Just for next time you go out with a guy, it would make him feel really special if you slept with him.
- Oh, you are one of those Sydney north shore girls.
- Probably not a good time to tell you I ‘borrowed’ a $20 from your purse while you were in the bathroom.
- You should run a call girl service.
- So that’s why you’re single.

In the end, I simply couldn’t bring myself to respond to such nonsense. And the nerve to wish me a pleasant weekend after such a preposterous preamble. Well I never!

Here’s the thing, while I’m not against paying for a date, I usually prefer to do so when I actually know and like the girl. I think it’s wrong to invest too much in a girl until she has proven herself as worthwhile (of course this works both ways). And although you will find plenty of poor saps out there that insist on paying for everything in the hope of impressing the girl or getting laid, I usually equate that with some form of prostitution, whether it’s a physical or psychological reward offered by the girl.

So to all you high maintenance, money grubbing, self-indulging ladies out there who need to feel “special” through fiscal upkeep, I propose you kindly go fornicate with yourself or a likeminded friend and I will date some more down to earth girls. Good day to you.

And you may call me stingy and all sorts of other nasty names, but honestly in this day and age, unless the guy is dating a housewife, a student, or a homeless person, why should he pay? Double-dutch is the way to go, or at least a small gesture from the girl is always appreciated. And that my friends, is the word of Jrad.

Ski Hill Fails

// Jimmy // April 17th, 2011 // No Comments » // Angry Rants, Jimmy's Blog

Working at a ski hill, you see a lot of stupid things. Like people standing in the kill zone of my lift while I watch as they get wiped out, have a bit of a giggle and hit the slow or stop, in that order. At least these people get instant notification of the error of their ways, and maybe they won’t do it next time.

The things that annoy me more are the ones that provide no insta-feedback to the subject that they are an idiot…

1. Girls who wear make up

This is much the same as the girls who show up to Kate’s soccer games with a caked up face. You are playing sport, why the fuck are you wearing make up. Who are you going to impress? One, everyone is having too much fun riding/skiing to give a shit about you and two, you are wearing ski goggles… we can’t see you anyway. It’s always good fun to see girls coming through the list who look like this:

2. Gay Blades

The roller blades of the skiing world. On a ski hill, there is nothing that looks gayer than these. Gay bladers never do anything cool, don’t go very fast, and exhibit little to no control. You suck.

3. Tall Hoodies

Most often worn by tall skinny folk who think they are gangster. I wish I had a photo of the douche I saw wearing a tall hoodie with only his ski boots poking out the bottom. Hey fella, you don’t look gangster, you look like you’re wearing a dress.

4. Pointy Helmets

These race designed helmets should be worn only by those racing. Even then, I barely ever see actual racers wearing them, probably because they realise how stupid they look. Unfotunately I couldn’t find a super pointy example picture for you. Googling “pointy ski helmets” doesn’t work very well. I’m fairly sure that’s not what they are called. Just imagine this helmet but even more pointy.

5. Jeans tucked into boots

This is usually sign of a noob, who hasn;t yet worked out they should be wearing waterproof outerwear. Sometimes they can’t use this excuse though. I can’t really be mad at these guys. They must be a little backward or stuck in yesteryear. You can’t get mad at the mentally challenged.

Bourbon, I hear you say

// JRad // April 10th, 2011 // 1 Comment » // Jrad's Blog

Sometime ago a mate and I concocted one of the greatest words ever.

Chourbon

Why, what is this ridiculous word, you ask. Chourbon, my friend, is simply Cheap Bourbon. Think Old Crow, Woodstock, Twin Chief, and Crazy Horse bourbon. Or any other brand that you pick up for a bargain price. Back in the day if you paid $5 or under for a bourbon and coke, it was automatically classed as chourbon. Out at the bar these days, we’d probably have to up that to $6.

Since that wonderful night, many more bourbon portmanteaus have been devised and drunk by me and my bourbon swilling friends (all rhyme with bourbon):

Tourbon – Tasty bourbon (or expensive bourbon by virtue of expense correlating to taste)
Rourbon – Red bourbon (bourbon & coke & red cordial)
Dufroubon – Duty free bourbon
Citric Chourbon – Chourbon with muddled orange
Dr Chourbon – Dirty red cheap bourbon (ie chourbon with red cordial)

One mate, particularly enamoured with rourbon, still attempts to order these for me when we’re out at bars, asking the bartender for a rourbon, only to have a blank stare returned back at him. If only more people knew. So let’s all spread the word.

And please feel free to add to the list.